For somebody like me, the question is not whether I want a united Ireland but what kind of united Ireland I want. It is a question of what kind of united Ireland I have wanted since I was old enough to understand my Irishness was different from that of somebody who lived in a neighbouring county and that this could never be taken for granted. It is very difficult to explain how one can feel pride and longing at the same time. We will never get there if we cannot be honest and do not understand and empathise with ev…